When I met Linda back in high school, I never would have guessed that she would be my best “man” at my wedding.
I brought a small tenor banjo to school one day which had belonged to my father when he was a kid. I had just refurbished and rebuilt it, and was learning to play it. Linda approached me to see what it was. I played a small bit of something I had made up. I let her hold it, and strum a bit. I had the impression this was the first time she had ever been so close to any kind of string instrument, or to anyone who could pretend to play one. Next to her picture, yes I got one in the yearbook of her, she made mention of that day. And talk about gorgeous. What was I doing with her? As much as I thought I was out of my league with some other girls back then, I was totally comfortable with Linda. We quickly became very good friends. But. . . there is that “but” I always dreaded.
One day I went to my locker and inside was a folded letter from Linda. This was a very intense letter, describing how she was interested in knowing me, but that it would have to stay as a friendship. I just did not do it for her as boyfriend material. And, “How does a person tell someone they love the person as a friend?”
I still have that letter. It was the first time anyone had ever used the “just friends” phrasing with me, but it was also the first time anyone ever told me they loved me as a friend. At the time, I was more than happy to have her as a “just friend.” High School relationships almost always went “bust” very quickly. But friends, they could last forever- or a long time anyway. I only wish I knew what happened to her.
After my wedding, I found out that my brother was hurt that I had not asked him to be my best man. But then, he had not asked me to be his best man when he got married. I never even thought of asking him. Linda had seemed to be the perfect choice at the time; although I am sure having a woman as “best man” raised a few eyebrows of some relatives and friends in attendance, and maybe also of my wife to be.
I know that Jeanne did not care for Linda. It is funny that she felt threatened by Linda, and she was the one who later was unfaithful to me. When I later divorced, Linda was extremely helpful in talking me through my feelings. There were a few visits I made while she was still living at home with her parents, at least during summers. I remember sitting with her out on her deck talking about Jeanne, how we had been together, what we did, or did not do. How Jeanne acted around me or others. I know I must have cried a bit. She was there for me. I almost let myself believe that maybe there could still be a chance to have something more with Linda, but that was not to be. She now had a very detailed idea about what her perfect mate would be, and I was not even close. Eventually, she met her perfect match and married- after a couple of near-misses, and a delay or two.
Originally, Linda had written to ask if I would be a part of her wedding as she had been part of mine. She asked me if I would be willing to play guitar and sing as part of the ceremony. Her chosen song was “You’ve Got a Friend.” I was still a relative novice guitarist at the time and had not sung solo anywhere, let alone while I played the only accompaniment. Of course, I wrote back that I would be happy to do it.
In the middle of my learning the song, I received another letter from Linda saying that the wedding was “OFF.” She knew I was working on the song, and told me maybe someday I could just perform it for her.
I had the impression they had some things still to work out prior to the wedding. I can’t say I was totally disappointed. If I really had been successful getting the song together, I doubt I would have been able to get through it without losing my composure. I knew it would have been possible to do with enough practice because I had recorded an instrumental track and re-recorded it with me singing. My idea had been that if I had problems doing the song live, at least I would have a taped version to play. It never happened though. The next thing I received from her was a standard wedding invitation. There was no mention of her having asked me about playing and singing at her wedding.
I went to Linda’s wedding with my then relatively new girlfriend, Judy. That was the last time I saw Linda. She moved someplace; I was never sure where. After a short time, she did not respond to letters. Then, one was returned with a forwarding address expired. I sent a letter to her in care of her old home address. I never got any response. I do not know what I did, or if I did anything that may have upset her. Clearly I could not have done enough to make her upset with me and not remember what it was? That is sad; to have that good a friend, and just have them disappear.
But, like the song says, if she ever were to try to contact me, I would be there. At the same time I say that I know that after close to 30 years, it will never happen. I guess I have to learn to let certain things go.
This is a tough one though. I am still trying.
Memory is the Key 