Everything is magnified at night.
Noises that at any other time would go unnoticed turn into threats in the middle of the night.
What was that noise just now? It has to be nothing. I run through my internal data bank of known sounds, trying to categorize what we have in here that would make a noise like that. Or since I can’t recognize it, I wish it to be whatever it is, outside.
As I do this, the memory of the sound gets harder to recall accurately. Maybe I was half asleep when I heard it, and that is why I can’t categorize it. I convince myself that it was nothing. If it really is something, the security system will alert me. Of course, at times the security system has gone off for no known reason. When this happens, it is almost always in the middle of the night. Of course.
A stray thought about past insecurity can remind you that that insecurity may not really be that much in the past. It is just harder to be sure at night.
Is she still OK? What if she isn’t breathing? Would I recognize that in time? Loved ones health issues are magnified at night.
Don’t even get me started on my own issues. I go back over everything I have done in the day, mistakes and regrets included. There are times that this can go on for hours, destroying the rest of my night.
If my day was good, I try to spend an equal amount of time on the good things as I generally do on those not so good times. When sleep just does not happen, I much prefer to dwell on the good things in my life. There are many things I am thankful for, and thinking about these is a much better way to go through the night.
When I was little, and it was time to sleep, my mom would sing to me. The official title of the song is; “Too-Ra-Loo-Ra-Loo-Ra (That’s an Irish Lullaby).” After she sang it, I knew I would be OK through the night. Simpler worries, then compared to now.
Maybe later, or it could have been at the same time, my father would always chime in with; “Sleep tight. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.” I may have been too young to know what bedbugs were, but I am sure worry about bedbugs occupied at least a few sleepless nights.
I know things were not always OK back then. But others were in control, so it always seemed OK. Now I am the one in control and I am at times overwhelmed. Why can’t I turn this stuff off so I can sleep?
What is it about all of these bumps in the night?
Memory is the Key 